As the online community, perhaps even the in-person one, we’ve unanimously created a joke that if you and a friend keep saying, “we should catch up soon”, you might as well make peace with the fact that it’s likely never going to happen. Days pass, calls are missed, random thoughts are had at unexpected times in the day, and the little number showing you how many unread messages you have on the WhatsApp app keeps growing, evidence of a fading, if not already faded, friendship.

Unlike romantic relationships, where it’s expected that breakups are mutual following a series of conversations, arguments, and sometimes physical fights, there isn’t a socially acceptable expectation that platonic friendships should end mutually. They just drift, and that can be an unfamiliar experience to the majority of us. And perhaps therein lies the issue – the sense of individualism in young adults, especially, is a silent killer of these relationships nowadays.

How Did We Get Here? Understanding The Background

According to the American Perspectives Survey, there was a significant drop in friendships between 1990 and 2021. At least 12% of U.S. adults reported not having any close friends, while time spent with friends dropped from 6.5 hours to 4 hours each week.

Even more recently, a 2025 Talker Research examined a pool of over 2,000 people and found that younger adults, especially Millennials and Gen-Z, experienced an intensive loss of friendships over time. The majority cited geographical distance as being the main reason, while other reasons ranged between major life transitions, one-sided effort from either or both parties, shifting values, and lack of time.

In a digital-led world, too, there has been a notable increase in screen time and digital connections that act as substitutes for real-life connections. At least 40% of Americans reported having online-only friends, with these statistics being even higher among teenagers following the rise of gaming platforms.

How Do We Move On? Navigating The Seasons

• The Confusion Stage

The initial stage of grief has got to be one of the most difficult things for anyone to ever experience. The gruesome combination of feelings of shock, denial, anger, and guilt all come pouring in like a flood. It’s normal. It’s human. You’re not losing your mind. In this stage, questions are mostly left unanswered, and a quiet rage often boils, with neither party wanting to reach out first since neither has a clue what the other is thinking. Sometimes, it’s a silent doubt that they want nothing more to do with you, and so you follow suit. This stage could last as long as months, with peak moments hitting you at the most random times of the day or night.

• The Self-Doubt Stage

As a millennial writer, you can bet my mind immediately cued Avril Lavigne’s “My Happy Ending” at this part. Well, perhaps not the full song, but you get the idea. During this stage, it’s common, almost unavoidable, to wonder if it was something you did. The focus shifts entirely to you, and it can be very easy to choose to hide out of self-blame. Feelings are heavy, and you feel like it was all your fault. For most people, this is where they get into a depressive state, beating themselves up for feeling like they’re always the bad friend.

• The Acceptance Stage

Before you realize it, time has passed, the heavy emotions have significantly reduced, and you’ve developed a sense of peace with what was or what could have been. Your mind has grown into a space that acknowledges that just like flowers die, some friendships fade too. It is in this season that most people begin to understand the beauty of time and seasons. You stop blaming yourself, and you stop blaming your now ex-friend. You have a lot more grace and make peace with the fact that some things are just not meant to be.

The Good And The Bad: Make Peace With The New Reality

One thing you must remember is that your friendship is not the first one to experience this. Countless friendships have faded, and though not to justify the experience as a whole, it is an inevitable part of life. Think about it; how many friends have you kept since childhood? The best friends you made “silly” pacts with that neither of you would ever leave each other, or that you’d get married after a certain time if neither of you had found a spouse yet? Granted, some of you really did end up married, but the bottom line is that evolving is part of life; it’s what we do as human beings. So how do you navigate this season with grace, peace, and sanity?

1. Recognize and acknowledge that seasons are a part of life. Just like we move through summer, autumn, winter and spring, people come and go. That doesn’t make them, or us, bad people; it just means we’re human enough to experience seasonal changes.
2. Be honest with yourself. A simple audit could help not only navigate the season but also handle future seasons differently. What caused the drift? Was it time, neglect, a change in priorities, geographical distance, or something else? Understanding this could bring peace to your mind and paint a picture of exactly what it is. Awareness creates room for intentional connections. It will also give you a chance to correct any mistakes or to make peace with the situation as it is.
3. Deliberately choose to override the negative thoughts with positive ones; it works better than you can imagine. Whenever you catch a stray thought in your mind painting either of you in a bad light, affirm yourself with the truth. Intentionally stay away from reliving the imagination of what could have gone differently and instead choose to appreciate the moments that were good between the two of you. If you look hard and objectively enough, you’ll see them.

So What Now?

In the end, the friendships that fade without drama remind us something about impermanence and compassion, both for self and others. They remind us that love, in all its forms, doesn’t always require forever to mean something. The ache you feel honors what was real. And in that reflection, there’s plenty of room to release what no longer fits and open to what might.

Take a moment today to think of at least one faded friendship. Journal the good memories without judgment. Then, reach out to someone in your current circle for a real conversation, not the usual and vague “we should catch up soon.”

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Winnie Thiiru writes about lifestyle, travel, culture and human stories globally. She believes in the power of simple, raw and honest storytelling. Follow her @winniethiiru.