They say grief is all the unspent love we carry for those we lose.
But greater than grief is the pain of resentment, the self-directed kind. It is an intense ache, because unto whom do you vent when the enemy is within?

Bitterness is a form of grief that carries weight, especially when you are bitter with yourself. It comes from realizing you have become your own adversary, the enemy within, and that for all the milestones you could have reached, you became the vampire that drained the life out of them. There is no one to blame, no visible enemy, only the one inside.

Many of us recognize our potential at a tender age. The natural response is to pursue it. Yet somewhere along the way, through fear, distraction, comfort, or delay, we abandon ship. And if the ego is cunning enough, it slowly persuades us out of our own dreams.

Greater than the grief of losing a loved one, this grief takes the crown. It does not heal with distance, because how do you create distance from yourself? Time does not help either, since every second becomes a reminder of what could have been.

So how do we deal with the enemy within, the killer of dreams, the author of pain, the self that stands in the way of who we are meant to become?

I have found that comfort is often the breeding ground for this enemy. We are told to step outside our comfort zones, and that greatness requires denying parts of the self. But how true is this?

Does becoming a better version of myself require starving the current one?

This conflict cannot be resolved by logic alone; it requires faith. Faith in God, faith in people, and faith in self. Gaining by losing, that is the paradox.

You see, I am painfully aware of how much I could become, yet I am not there. And every time my mind wraps its icy fingers around that thought, grief becomes inevitable, and I can’t help it.

But I have learnt that potential is responsibility; It demands that I rise to meet life head-on, no longer playing defense. If I am to become what I am meant to be, I must change strategy.

It is time to take hold of my future, discipline my present, and learn from my past, lest grief become a permanent companion.