Over the years, I have struggled with life. It may seem all rosy and beautiful, but in fact, I believe some of my friends really do envy the life I live. Yet, it seems that when I am in the abyss of my thoughts, trying to figure out what I really want to do, I feel lost. This type of thinking comes easily because I have been wired like that. Since I was a child, I was always taught to seek meaning in numbers. Growing up, I only fathomed as much as my academic statistics could go. Maybe that is why I opted for a course in civil engineering, later data analysis, and now monitoring and evaluation. In this construct or spectrum of my life, things seem easy, straightforward, and achievable.

However, as 2026 takes up more gears, something is amiss. No. I actually know something is. First, it is my longing for the Catholic Church, or church in general, because beggars are choosers. And right now, I am begging, begging for a semblance of control, of purpose, of vision. I will digress to my childhood when I spent my life close to God. In those days, the Bible was my compass. I would read it like a novel, intrigued by the wonders of God and how He shapes this world. Perhaps it was because of my father’s influence; he has always been so close to God, and with that, he carries with him a kind of satisfaction that I can only envy in my adulthood.

Second, I long for clarity. As I navigate the perils, joys, and amusements of this world, I begin to wonder how exactly I fit within it. Does my career do well to help me achieve that? Do my relationships empower me to be more focused and intentional with what I do? Do I have another purpose in life? A purpose that will be revealed if I get closer to God? Such kinds of questions make one mull over their life and even reconsider their daily schedules. I wake up every day with a routine, and halfway through it, I am concerned that I may not be walking the right path.

As we move closer to Lent, I am considering ways that I can reunite myself with Jesus Christ. I used to love how much support I got from Mary, the mother of God, the angels, and the saints. I mean, every week, or even day, I had something to think about that pushed me closer to God.

Perhaps the more we give up our measure in statistics, the more we are willing to understand that God’s mercy, purpose, and support are immeasurable.

It simply comes in waves that require our constant vigilance. It sounds like surfing! The more practiced you are at riding the wave, the more joy you derive from overcoming even the strongest waves.

As I contemplate these sentiments, I am in limbo, wondering how I will get to my Q1 outcomes.

Oh no! There I go again with my statistics.

Let me rephrase that. As I unpack visuals of life that I want to achieve, I want to be far removed from any numerical indicators that restrict my understanding of life. I want to achieve not just success, but fulfillment.  By Easter, I want to have stopped searching for KPIs that narrow down my options. Instead, I want to sit in the presence of his grace. A work in progress that will indeed break barriers that have prevented me from understanding my true purpose in life.