Hey, can we just talk for a second? Like, real talk. You ever watch someone get deported because the judge was having a bad hair day? Or because the court date got mailed to the wrong address three years ago? Yeah… that’s not “justice.” That’s a conveyor belt with handcuffs. Welcome to America’s immigration courts — the place where due process goes to die, and nobody in power seems to care. Buckle up, friend, because this one’s gonna make your blood boil (in a fun, sarcastic way, promise).

Wait… These Aren’t Real Courts?

Here’s the plot twist nobody tells you: immigration courts aren’t part of the judicial branch. They live inside the Department of Justice. Yep, the same DOJ that prosecutes people also employs the “judges.” Imagine if the NFL owned the refs and paid them bonuses for calling more penalties on one team. That’s basically it.

• The Attorney General can literally overrule any immigration judge’s decision. Happened multiple times under Trump and Biden.
• Judges are DOJ employees, not lifetime-appointed Article III judges. They can get fired for being too “lenient” (aka following the law sometimes).
• Prosecutors? Also executive branch. So both sides work for the same boss. Cozy, right?

Ever wonder why the system feels rigged? Now you know.

The Backlog Is Straight-Up Insane

Picture this: almost 3.8 million cases sitting in the queue right now. That’s more people than live in Chicago… waiting years for a hearing. Some folks wait five, six, even ten years. By the time they see a judge, their kids are in high school and their asylum claim is older than TikTok.

Here’s the math that keeps me up at night:

• ~600 judges handling everything
• That’s over 6,300 cases per judge
• Average wait time? Around 1,400 days (almost 4 years, bro)

And get this — the Trump admin fired dozens of judges in 2025, dropping the total even lower. Because nothing solves a backlog like… fewer people working on it. Genius.

Judge Shopping: The Lottery Nobody Wants to Win

Okay, this part actually makes me laugh (the dark kind). Your chance of winning asylum depends way more on which judge you get than the facts of your case.

Real numbers that’ll blow your mind:

• Atlanta: ~7% asylum grant rate
• Orlando (same state!): ~76%
• Female judges grant ~54% of cases
• Male judges? Only ~37%
• Ex-prosecutors on the bench? 24% less likely to say yes

So if you’re fleeing death threats, cross your fingers you don’t draw Judge McGrumpypants who used to work for ICE. Totally fair system, 10/10.

Actual Court Quotes That Got Judges Slapped by Appeals Courts

• One judge mocked an applicant’s accent so badly the circuit court said it “degraded the proceedings”
• Another screamed at a traumatized woman until she stopped testifying
• Judges have been caught yelling “I don’t believe you!” before the person even finishes talking

These aren’t rumors — federal appeals courts have vacated decisions and called this behavior “hostile,” “sarcastic,” and “abusive.” But guess what? The DOJ basically shrugs.

Why Does This Even Matter?

Because this isn’t just paperwork. Real humans get deported back to places where gangs have already put hits out on them. Kids get separated. People die. And the craziest part? There’s no right to a lawyer in immigration court. You’re facing a trained government prosecutor… and you might have to represent yourself because you can’t afford counsel.

FYI: Criminal defendants get free lawyers for shoplifting. But fleeing genocide? Figure it out yourself, champ.

So… Is There Any Hope?

Honestly? Kinda. People have been screaming for an independent Article I immigration court forever. The idea is simple: take it out of DOJ, make it a real court with real judges who can’t get fired for being fair. The American Bar Association, the Federal Bar Association, even former immigration judges all say yes. But Congress? Crickets.

Until then, we’ve got this glorious factory where:

• Cases get “administratively closed” to fake-reduce the backlog
• Fake hearing dates get mailed out (yes, really — courts were caught sending notices for dates that didn’t exist)
• Judges hit quotas instead of reading evidence

Final Thoughts, My Friend

Look, I’m not saying the system is designed to fail on purpose (okay, maybe I am a little). But when you put prosecutors and judges under the same political roof, starve the courts of staff, and let the Attorney General play Supreme Court… what did we think was gonna happen?

Next time someone says “just fix the immigration courts,” laugh in their face. These aren’t courts. They’re factories of failure — churning out deportations like widgets, due process sold separately.

If this lights a fire under you (it should), share this article, yell about it on whatever hellsite we’re using this week, or bug your reps about creating a real immigration court system. Because right now? The joke’s on all of us — and it’s not funny anymore.

Stay mad, stay loud, and I’ll catch you in the next one. ✌️